You just wait and see.

My relationship with Money is trying. I want to call money a bitch, I want to stick my finger in it's face, I want to stomp my feet and nash my teeth, but I'm like the abused girlfriend. I don't even get to be the wife, Money won't let me get into a committed relationship with it.

And is it really even Money's fault? Maybe I'm to needy? Maybe I'm looking for all the wrong things in Money? Money is ambivalent to my needs but I keep coming back for more. Instead of asking more of Money maybe I'm the one who needs to look for ways to not need Money as much as I do. I can ween myself off my need of it. Oh how I want to be in a healthy relationship with Money. I want to be able to think of it fondly, I want to be able to say "I see you there but I don't really need you like I once did. I'm good with what I have".

I get to choose how I feel about my circumstances and my relationship. If I get hit with a big rush of wrong doing, of needing Money like a addict, of feeling like an abused girlfriend, I should look at myself. I am more than just numbers in my bank account, for the love that all is great in good in this world and even the Universe, Money is so insignificant. And pssst, guess what? It's not even real.
Money, me and you are just going to be acquaintances one day. I'm going to take my power back, just you wait and see.


And now I realize that I have an even bigger issue with Debt. Debt isn't even in a relationship with me. Debt is like an abusive Father, maybe not even my real Dad but a Step Father so you know I already don't even really like him in the first place. I'm kind of stuck in our relationship until I can find my own way out. Thank God were not destined to be together forever, once I get to a certain stage I can move out of the Debt house and strike it off on my own.

But I'm feeling like an emotional teenager when I think of Debt. I don't WANT to do what he says and I have no concept of time and when I'm actually going to get out from under his grasp. He scares me a little personally. He is big, and looming, and large. He doesn't even hit me but he looks scary. I dream of what it will look like to be free of him but it seems like such a long ways away and unfortunately I still need things from him from time to time, and when I do ask for my allowance I take it with the dread of knowing that I am chaining myself down and getting farther away from getting free.


BUT THERE IS LIGHT AND LIFE AND LAUGHTER UNDERNEATH ALL OF THAT FEAR!
I have wonderful dreams, I have a free spirit, I have plans, and ambitions! I can wield all of those like a sword to cut my way or even like a baton to spear head the parade. I am so much more than money and debt. I am a traveling Soul on the Earth, with a great Husband and a truly magnificent Daughter. I can do this and I WILL, you just wait and see.